To Worship You



This book is a different type of book. It re-examines science, and religion on a very personal level. It is therefore a very intimate book and not easy to read. It has taken me years to write. This book is my attempt to merge head with heart and become a more integrated and balanced Electrical Engineer. You do not have to be an Engineer to read this book - I have translated technical terms into simple English concepts. Hopefully the words are simple - although the ideas are difficult to face and understand. This book places forth in print - what I think is historically a completely new broad ranging understanding of reality. This new understanding goes to the root cause of the misunderstandings between science and humanity. (The science effects vs. the humanity affects) It stresses the inter-connectivity between ourselves and others. It also connects physics with personal choice. This connection was always the missing link that prevented balance. The balance between head and heart. This relationship between physics and choice is perhaps the real focus of this book. I hope it will challenge you to re-think your relationships with other people. You are more than what you think.


On a personal side, this book was written "to worship you." I know at first sight, that might seem crazy, but put that initial feeling aside, and give me a chance to explain. I believe people are alike only to the degree to which they are distorted. Our natural state, our true nature, is unique - - there is no one else just like us. This uniqueness is not only a gift - it is a curse. We don't naturally know how to communicate with others. When we do communicate well the result is a deep spiritual respect. I write this book because I really want a deep spiritual respect between us. I think you and I deserve it.


Early Working Draft Copy

Saturday 21 February 1998

File Name is TO_W048.DOC


Why do we need this book?

In our American culture we are often subjected to disrespect and abuse. After watching a few hundred hours of network TV it is easy to get the impression that we need a gun to protect us and influence others. No one on TV has any emotional flexibility. They are like cut-out cardboard figures fixed in their approach to others. Network TV is just one indicator reflecting changes; our prison system also shows a disrespect for personal dignity. America now has over one and a half million people in jail, and politicians are calling for more prisons and stiffer punishment. As our American culture is going in the wrong direction, I hope this book allows us to immediately pursue lives of peace and joy.

We want peace and some joy now, so where do we start? Our American culture is mostly concerned with guilt and Blame. Blame may intellectually describe the problems, but it will not lead to lasting change. All lasting change starts with the self. Blame is too easy and too cheap. We want to reach beyond blaming others and take some personal responsibility. Personal choice can bring peace. Pursuing that peace will give us joy. There is a web of interdependency that is reality and it awaits our continued initiative. What new ideas and new creations can we offer? Unfortunately few people really know who they are, and this prevents them from making any real decisions. So starting with the self, what are we?

Peggy Noonan has a public TV show that tells us that "Values" are what makes us what we are. We are "Good" people, because we have "good" values. People know us to be "good" because that is our values. I think this is wrong and unclear thinking. What is lacking from a "Values" centered identity is freedom. Our personal freedom must be avoided to accept a value. We have to be good people, and we have to avoid being any way that does not match this "Value". The whole process is artificial and belief based. People who subscribe to this identity mechanism are always concerned with authority and picking the right values. These concerns are external to the self, and the authority is usually external to the self.

We are not our values. We have the ability to choose values. This is where most people get lost. Most People think they are what they appear to be. They think this because this is how they learn about others. This is how they find out what others are, they look at what they appear to be. They appear to be how they choose, or the sum of their choices. The sum of their choices are their values, and now we are locked in a digressive self identity recursive loop. We learn about others by what they choose over time. But what we learn about others is not what they are, it is what we learn. We then realize on some level that they are like us, and this then is how we think about ourselves. This identity has a flaw. We are more than what we learn.

What are we? First of all we have physical existence. I want to present you with a whole new way of viewing and thinking of physical existence. This new view is a cross between quantum mechanics, Computer Engineering, Eastern and Western religion and of course common sense. (Unfortunately) there is no best approach to presenting this subject. If I provide a path from present reality to the new reality, each step along the path must be leveraged with logic you understand. At some point along the path you will switch viewpoints. At the point of the switch there is great danger of misunderstanding. If I use logic referenced from the old viewpoint, you will be drawn back and confused. If I use logic based on the new viewpoint, those still left with the old viewpoint will be confused. It is not obvious to me just where on the path you will take the leap of faith and cross to the other side. If the two of us were talking, I would use this approach because I could watch your face and judge when you switched viewpoints. I could thereby avoid confusion. Unfortunately this approach is not really suitable for books or presentations to large groups.

There is another way to present this new view of reality, and that is simply to start with the basics, and present the whole thing without justification. Of course, this requires you to proceed through lots of data that may not make any immediate sense. This is the way I learned Calculus and Differential Equations. I simply studied the material for several years, and then wham! it made sense. Unfortunately this might make the subject boring, much like my calculus class. On the positive side, if you understand what I present, you won't have to wade through all the logic support from the old viewpoint. So as you read this, ready yourself for data that may not immediately have importance or apparent organization - especially at first.


Where are we going?

This book covers so much it is easy to get lost - so I will always try to tell you where we are going before I present the material and then after the presentation - I will summarize what has been presented. I want a state of grace between us that comes about through understanding. I have a classical college education in Electrical Engineering - which means that I can present a rationalized mental image of how current engineering expresses itself. Unfortunately for me I am not trying to just connect you with your head. This is what current engineering does. I am trying to also connect you with the heart. In addition I want to use physics to connect you with your heart. This will tend confuse both the physicists and the lovers. The lovers will not like the physics - it will seem too dry. The physicists will not like the love - it will seem too wet. This book connects the head with the heart. It is an attempt to heal the disrespect and abuse in our civilized culture. It is about physics and about interpersonal relationships. The whole point of the book is that interpersonal relationships are the cause of physics. Not the other way around - as is currently thought.

This book - unfortunately - can not avoid religion. So if you passed the previous paragraph without becoming offended - by being both a physicist and a lover - this and the next paragraph might really offend you. Religion is an important subject - because it covers everything and it claims ultimate reality. This book also claims ultimate reality. I contend that Western thinking conditioned by western religion has placed too much emphasis on blame and not enough emphasis on personal responsibility. We point our fingers at others, and we seek external revenge or future reward. These activities mis-direct us from self awareness and personal responsibility.

The book will start with a better definition of what you and I really are, and then explore the problems which have yet to be solved in physics. These problems only occur because of the limited western viewpoint of our true nature. Our western culture does not encourage spiritual exploration - the western way is to buy a package - Southern Baptist, Mormon, or Church of Christ, or some other package. Included in the package is everything you need to know. Your many questions now all have answers. You are taught to listen and appreciate. All of your choices are monolithic - one god and one answer for all. I am sorry but this book will initially offend just about everyone. If you can hold off your conclusions I hope to leave you with great respect for the people around you. This book was written to worship you and I hope you at least read enough to see that I have great respect for other people.

This book is about "New Physics." Classical physics is based on mathematics, and the observer is allowed to be anonymous. Knowledge is built on consensus, experimentation, and the removal of personal bias. Classical physics has allowed you to become invisible. I want to change all that. Unfortunately the new process maybe painful, because now you will have to become involved. I ask your permission to proceed. To simply read what I will present will require you to become involved. I wish I could give you what I know, and still allow you to stay anonymous. Unfortunately that is not possible. I contend that you already know what I am to tell you, and that only the pain stops you from finding the truth for yourself. I use the word "pain" because that is the way unwanted responsibility rears its ugly head. As is often the case we are not completely comfortable with new personal responsibility.

So let's return to our previous statement, to "We are more than what we learn." What are we? What is that essence that never changes and yet has the ability to learn? What is it that has the ability to make choices yet is not forced to make a choice? This is, I think, the great mystery of the human condition. To get some general outlook on the problem of "What are we", I will present nine general perspective statements. These general perspective statements will put a context to the question. After we have a context we will simply bite the bullet and say what has to be said. You will either love it or hate me. It is that personal. It is the center of all forbidden subjects.

General Perspective Statements:

1. Understanding is not easy - we have to work to really understand. If we are lazy with our understanding we only end up with a system of mental classification. There is more to life than a mental model. Sure the mental model seems to fit life, but something is missing and everything is rather dull and distant and separated from life. Any real experience is missing. So how do we do the work? To work at understanding requires that you seriously hold a point of view with which you do not agree.

2. We construct an inner self - and this becomes our "understanding" of ourselves. Consider that we become familiar with certain thoughts, and these familiar thoughts become our sense of inner self. They become our construction of understanding and again they represent what we understand as reality. The system feeds on itself. We construct an inner self and this inner self is leveraged into understanding that again becomes our inner self. The system - inner self and understanding - is like a feedback loop. We hear what we want to hear. It becomes delusion but at the same time it gives us strength. This constructed inner self can easily become automated, mechanical and somewhat lifeless.

3. We spend most of our lives talking to ourselves. In our civilization most people live in a fog of self-indulgence. We prefer people who act and think like ourselves, because they seem to listen better. In fact they are usually not really listening to us at all. They may only be "listening" for a place to speak. When they do "seem" to connect - they hear something from us that re-affirms that we are like them. Now they can work on this new motivation - they can study themselves by listening to us. Our culture does not really communicate; we speak at and often past each other. Most people have given up on real communication and a fog of self indulgence is all that they have left.

4. Relationships are not additive. Each person is unique, and what you gain or lose with one does not transfer to another. Unfortunately most people are operating as if relationships with other people were interchangeable. In this book I hope to convince you that this simple statement - that relationships are not additive - is key to understanding reality. Unfortunately it is so simple, so direct, that not one in ten thousand readers will understand it, and that is because of the nature of consciousness.

5. Consciousness is a false process of amplifying meaning. It consists of a triangulation of perception. One is in a relationship - two people - you and the other but that isn't enough. You feel insecure. So you "amplify" that two person meaning by bringing in another viewpoint. The other viewpoint "clarifies" the ideas by globalizing them. This globalization by reference is the core of what is called being "conscious." This is not an easy idea to get because we are all so programmed to be conscious. You are conscious for many good "reasons" and a good dose of personal insecurity. You might need strength and certainty. Maybe the other viewpoint is a strong father or some great authority figure with a strong clear viewpoint. It is a process of filtering one's own thoughts through another's viewpoint. In other words, I appear to be listening to you but I am thinking of my father and how he would hear you. This triangulating reference makes me 'conscious' of you. Consciousness packages up my understanding and makes it certain. By cross referencing my relationships, I can classify and remember them, even though I am insecure and confused. Unfortunately this certainty does not come out of the meaning of the one on one relationship itself, it comes out of the inertia of the past and confusing one person for another.

I have some idea of how my father listens or my mother listens and I can adopt one of these listening styles. Not only do I get my point of view but I can also simulate their point of view as well. I hear my father's comments as I listen to another. This is a process of triangulating an unknown viewpoint with a known viewpoint. Consciousness is thus a leveraging or an amplification of perception. As you can see by looking at the logic here, consciousness assumes people are additive. It assumes that my father would know something about the person who he has never met. Me plus my Dad is better than just me. This is not immediately a bad thing in our complex society. A conscious person is not as gullible - since the person converts the past words of their father or some great authority - into a force that distorts their current relationships with others.

By being conscious I have triangulated with another and this also allows me to store and retrieve these experience through the outside stability of this other relationship. If you are talking to me and I am being conscious - it is almost as if you are talking to two people. I am very hard headed. As a choice, conscious perception is useful. As an automatic mode conscious perception can cause great confusion. It is a bit of fuzzy thinking that when leveraged and ratcheted up tight becomes a big block to reality. One person is wrongly treated like another. The confusion with people is so great, and we so freely substitute one person for another that it is very hard to even talk about consciousness.

The best way to communicate about consciousness is to create a unique language that is only used with one other person. This approach helps that one other person to be aware of how consciousness works. With a unique language it is very difficult to draw outside comparisons. That allows a person to temporarily move away from consciousness yet still have meaning. The concept is a bit hard to understand. The unique language between two people allows meaning without the need for a third person cross reference. Under these conditions consciousness can be clearly seen. Everything else is a bit abusive and hard to understand. Unfortunately I am not smart enough to speak your private language, so I have to use my language to write these concepts down. If you do understand this, we must already be in some state of grace. Thank you. If not - I apologize for the abuse of not being able to speak to you individually.

6. People do not 'think' alone, but in pairs. It is incorrect to call someone 'stupid'. A more correct evaluation is to say that between you and another is a poor relationship, without much trust, or without much understanding. That creates a kind of fog which makes it hard to think when you place your attention on that other person. The reason to recognize thinking as a two person activity is:

A. If there is no hope of communicating the idea, it becomes unconscious, unreachable, and impossible to deal with.
B. All objects are created by an isolated person, to break down that isolation. The purpose of thinking is to connect with another.
C. People find it offensive when one person draws up the mental freedom between them and calls it his or hers, when in fact it belongs to both of them.

7. I am what other people have in common. I relate with you and I relate with another. I assume without direct knowledge that you and the other have a relationship between you that does not include me. This is really a guess, since I have no way to know if you and the other relate without me. Of course I know if you and the other knew each other before I came on the scene. But if I introduce you, that is the condition I don't realize as important. Most of us commonly guess this wrong. We often don't see ourselves as important. This is our myth of insignificance. But if no two people are alike, they may relate only because of us connecting them together. In this sense each of us greatly contributes to the web of interdependence that is shared reality. I am that which other people have in common. I am that which introduces strangers. I can also provide guided connections. This exposure means that other people over time rely on me for extending their reality. Each of us gives direction in how and who to learn about and how to get along with these new people. We often fail to notice just how much reality depends on us. It might be because our uniqueness seems so common to us - that we fail to notice how much this shared interdependent reality is because of us. We are in fact the life that others experience. When asked "What are we" we can no longer hide in insignificance.

8. Self delusion and arrogance are the first line of Self protection. Our constructed inner self - created to sustain us in our isolation - can grow in size to the point where it starts to interfere with our relationships. We can slip into self delusion and arrogance. The word "God" is often associated or confused with this self delusion and arrogance. This can be a very charged and difficult subject to talk about. It can be easy to get reactive with this subject. A common delusion and example of this self protection is that "I am better than you". This may be as harmless as "I am formed in the image of the one God" {with the implication that you are formed in some other image} or it may become the complete isolationist with "I am the one and only God". This arrogance and self delusion is so common and so irritating that we avoid using the word 'God' in public. We don't want others to turn us off. We are in fact attempting to avoid communication shutdown by avoiding "charged" words. Self delusion and arrogance can easily block communication.

9. Education requires submission. Ego can get in the way of learning. Further we often take the public stand that we are "nothing" or "almost nothing." We are implying that in this state - the state of us being "almost nothing" - that we are then open to new ideas. Of course that can not be true or else we would not be enough to listen and understand. The point is that Education does not mix well with arrogance. To become educated we are told to become "nothing like" and therefore open to new ideas. The main approach of public education may be to help people to be more open to new ideas but at the cost of losing the true self. With a better sense of the true self we could learn and still not lose ourselves in the process. If we touch truth we would exist without arrogance and we would still be open to education.

These nine general perspective statements set the stage for the question 'Tell me what you are!" Let us consider this essential core question. The answer is not something we have to work to achieve. The answer is as true today as it was in the past. Effort does not change our true nature. We are what we are - we don't change our true nature. We are not our values, and we are not what we learn about others. We are not thoughts; since thoughts are possessions we can create if we choose. If we are not thoughts, what is left? Well the truth is easy to say but hard to experience and understand. Temporarily set aside your fear of arrogance. The truth then sounds simple. It uses words which are unfortunately greatly misunderstood. The time has come to simply say it and let the chips fall where they may. You are God. That statement may cause you pain, or it may cause you to laugh. This statement is the center of all forbidden subjects. Still without this statement now we would not be able to make further progress. We would continue the lie that we are nothing and to be estranged in our relationships. Our culture is full of disrespect and abuse. I want to change all of that. This book was written to worship you, and to create a state of grace between us.

You are God

You are God. It is easy to say but hard to understand. You are not part of God. You are not like God when you are being good. You are always God and have always been God, and will always be God. None of your actions have diminished your true nature as God. All this might be good news, so if it is true, why is living so difficult? The problem is that you are not the only God. You are just a God among many Gods. The Gods only communicate by their own choice, there is just no way to really make them obey you.

Being God does not do much to help us with other people, since we have no real relative advantage. Being God does not provide us with positive control, but it does provide us with negative control. To deal with the fact that most people are strangers to us, we erect a wall called the Physical Universe. We create the Physical Universe to protect ourselves from others. When I say; you are God, I mean it. You create the whole thing!

This might be easier to understand if I provide you with a model and draw you a picture. "You are God and you create the whole thing." What does that mean? Let me draw you the following:

The left center of the picture is the symbol Æ which represents the individual as a non-physical entity having the quality of pure ability. This represents the individual as the capacity to be aware. Covering the individual is the circle representing the mind. These are the mental thoughts that appear to exist independently of the individual. The ideas which are 'bigger' than you or me. Next is the circle representing the individual's body. This layer 'allows' the individual the power to operate in the physical universe, the next and last layer. Outside of these circles belongs to other people.

Of course this is a graphical representation, a model, which is beyond any strictly physical representation. This picture is a diagram of a concept to understand. It is not the literal truth. For example, in the diagram the four other individuals are shown on the right and next to each other. But it cannot be said that these people have a location with respect to each other. Location takes place within the physical universe, and that is shown as a circle around the body belonging to Æ . Each individual creates their own space, so there is no space between us. What the diagram tries to show is that we all have a different "Who-ness."

In life it appears that we are interacting with objects. Upon some careful considerations we can come to the possibility that the meaning of the interacting with objects really has to do with our interactions with others. Meaning in life does not come from objects but from other people. So now lets reduce our model and diagram that.

In this diagram of life there is no physical universe, so there are no bodies, or for that matter any mental structure. In this bare essence everything important in life can still go on! How can this be?

Before we continue - let us take stock of where we have just been. I have presented you with a possible explanation of what type of being you might be. I have claimed that you are god and you might agree that this is the most forbidden subject in our western culture. I have further claimed that everything that is really important - on a domain of personal meaning - can still take place without human bodies and without a physical universe. I will next make a very simple claim as to how you - as God - exercise choice when surrounded by other Gods. With this simple choice I will give an example of typical complex social interactions. Let us return - we were considering a very simple life. Just five people - no physical universe and no bodies. The claim was just made that everything important in life can still go on. How can this be?

The Basic Nature of Individual Existence is Binary. People have two basic ways of being. They can be connected to others, or they can be in a state of freedom and un-reachable by others. This process does not require memory or even thoughts, or anything even approaching consciousness. This two state process is the bed rock of all life, one can make it no simpler. This is how God exercises choice when surrounded by other Gods. It is important that we start by stripping out all the complexity, so that we can bring in complexity, layer by layer, and see it build into an onion. Otherwise life is just too complex to clearly understand. The bottom layer of all our complex interaction is the simple choice to either connect or be in freedom with another. It is a very powerful choice, and we make that choice on our own.

This is a simple model. Apparently not much can happen, but let us start with a typical example of how complex this "bare essentials" model of life can be. Since each person is unique, "A" might choose to be connected to "D" and "E" but not "B" and "C". Assume for now that these chosen connections were realized. So "D" can learn about "A". If you as "C" chose to connect to "D" then if that connection worked out you could learn about "A". Now you might try to connect to 'A' and if you did you would discover nothing! They exist - but not for you - "A" will not connect! To help your understanding let me diagram that: five people with lines representing relationships that connect them.

Sounds like a cheap soap opera doesn't it. You { in this case "C"} heard it through the grape vine. How do you get your respect? The most profound truth in life is that other people are free and that you cannot control them. How does "C" connect with "A"? Sorry. It hurts and there just isn't an adequate solution that makes everything OK. There is no grand illusion, you are just out in the cold. I think the best you can do is to worship them, and that is why this book was written. Any other reaction - say to punish them - will just make things worse.

This example shows how your absolute power over "things" can seem rather limited. So returning to the concept, "You are God and you create the whole thing." Your power as God is to create and move objects in your own physical universe. The meaning of these actions in your physical universe is derived from your efforts to influence other people. Other people are like you, and they have their own power when dealing with their own separate physical universe. Love binds us together and we want "to understand" and "be understood" so we allow others to have power in our physical universe. Since many people are involved there are many rules and conditions attached to how we will let others operate in our physical universe.

Unfortunately, the use of a physical universe to buffer and hold our relationships with other people does not work as intended. It (our physical universe) is a solution to our problems with other people, and it is not the same as sharing real understanding. The Physical Universe is a substitute for true understanding. We want something that we can't get. We want to share love. We want it now - we want it by our own choice - so we do it ourselves - alone - we simply pacify ourselves with things. We try to "make" through actions - a state of shared love - by ourselves. There is only one way to do this - we must give up real sharing and have "ours". This creates separation - it freezes relationships into misunderstandings and that is the physical basis of the physical universe. It gives nothingness its "stuff-ness" and makes separation persists.

The creation and use of a physical universe is a result of personalizing what should otherwise be a shared experience. This new personalized false relationship takes on a conceptual leveraging - a thought like structure. It becomes a new baseline for reality. This process creates us and them as persisting objects, and with that separation the digressive concept of things. The original relationship - which was inclusive shared experience - now becomes independent, tough and unchanging. We have lost something special - difficult to talk about - but we can still reach this original experience. We can reach back deep within us and simply let go. Occasionally I can experience life without the physical universe - it is an experience like being naked - only much more intense. The English language really just breaks down because there are just no words to really express the realities of living and interacting as inclusive shared experience.

The Physical Universe is a solution to our problems with relationships. Unfortunately we don't really want a solution to our problems - we want to work our problems out. Working problems out creates real understanding and we let go of any desire for separateness. The Physical Universe - created as a solution - keeps us separate. Even more troubling you can crawl in and disappear. You can operate totally out of excuses. There is no satisfaction in excuses - even if it is very safe. With these words I am asking you to wake up from your long sleep! You are God - you did create the physical universe. Maybe now is the time for you to quit your isolation - learn to be in life without separateness. No mind - no body - no physical universe - no isolated "you". If you "fall" into a low and think "me" you should only note a state of worshipped/worshipping in relationships. Now let go and just experience - rather than willing the effort to classify. Don't settle for classification - Just experience simple truth. There is really little to say.

Let us take stock and back up a bit. The last page might be hard to swallow. It was mostly talk from the heart. There was not much logic in it. You who have read this totally from the head will not make much sense of it. For example - How does one comprehend crawling into the physical universe? People who read this while hiding in their head and using only logic will not have a clue. I have presented them with a very strange idea. You create the physical universe. That must be like saying that marshmallows create rocks. Where's the logic? You as God create the physical universe. It certainly isn't provable. I will grant you that. But during next few pages I will prove to you that - at least - it isn't impossible.

The next few pages will take a look at electromagnetic waves and how radio waves pass through space. We will take a look at Maxwell's equations as a way to understand the very controversial Michelson-Morley experiment. I will then suggest that pluralism can be used as a better model to explain what is really going on. Next I will remind you that in this theory - the physical universe is really an illusion. Your real relationships are with other people and these other people are beyond your control. It will then be time to review this trust we have in thinking as our only path to truth. We will now be one third of the way through the book. I next provide a description of seventeen foundation concepts to provide a context for a definition of what your body really is and why it works the way it does. That will take us to the two thirds point of the book. The last third will cover why space has three dimensions, a prediction that the speed of light is increasing, and some talk about the field of quantum mechanics. Finally - this book is a work in progress - it isn't finished yet. If I waited the three years until it was done - you would not have the chance to make a contribution. This is a complex subject - that might never be done if I engage in waiting.

Continue: With part two of To Worship You.

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